I might as well make this my daily journal, as you can tell already I slipped. I’m not doing as good as I should be. 4 lines in and I feel like shit. It’s euphoric for a moment then every memory, pain, heartache just comes right back. That heaviness is back again, isolation being locked in my room without talking to anyone is back again. I’ve lied to my NA and CA group, pretending I’m doing oh so great, lying to my family. I know and should go to rehab because I’ll just start back to my old habits. I’m already drinking every single day, why? because I let some guy I barely even knew but cared about, I care too much, but I let that person see the bad side of me. I opened up when I shouldn’t have, again. I let that affect me and now here I am. I’m fucking up again and I know it. I hate feeling this way again. Heart breaks are awful and it hurts so much when you’ve invested so much time in them just to fall apart in the end and that’s the saddest part, honestly.
No one can tell your story so tell it yourself. No one can write your story so write it yourself. Writing keeps the thoughts in my head from killing myself.